In the previous article, I have discussed the kinds of problems associated with excess mobile usage, in this article, I will focus on how to handle them.
Before beginning, there is one fact that I believe all of us can agree upon is that- Mobile phones and other screen devices are here to stay, it is the proverbial ‘Necessary Evil’. So how do we go about approaching this particular problem? There are many guidelines, including our own Indian Association of Pediatrics (IAP) has provided guidelines on this, which gives us a certain framework to work with.
For every parent who is facing issues like these, certain principles can help them, mainly:
- Taking the Lead and leading by example
- Limit setting
- Discipline and Consistency in Execution
- Common Sense
A disclaimer before I proceed, the suggestions that I provide are not hard and fast rules, they are mainly rough frameworks. As each child is different, the implementation will have to be tailored accordingly.
1) Taking the Lead and Leading by Example
The first and foremost thing to work on, is, how we(Parents/Carers) use and introduce mobile phones and other screen devices to children. Usually for a child, the first introduction to a a gadget is at the hand of a family member. Before trying to implement rules, each person looking after a child must introspect, are they also following these rules and if not, are they willing to change themselves for their child? If not, good luck trying to explain to a child how rules are different for the child than an adult, especially to a teenager. Children learn behaviours from those around them either from direct teaching or indirectly by observation, and it is the responsibility of the adult to guide them on appropriate behaviours. So, unless we as responsible adults do not make changes to our wrong patterns of action, we cannot expect the child not to learn at least something from it.
The IAP recommends that a child should not be allowed to watch a screen device till the age of 2 years. And, yes, that includes trying to appease a crying child with a mobile phone or distracting a child to eat food with a mobile. This is because it is believed that early introduction to mobile phones may interfere with a child’s brain development. For children between the age of 2-5 years, a maximum of one hour per day may be allowed, with a maximum of 30 minutes at a time. For children between 5-10 years, a maximum of 2 hours per day may be allowed. The use of mobile should be geared towards programs that help in education and improving skills.
NO SOCIAL MEDIA in this age group.
A few things to note here are:
- When a child is using a mobile phone in this age group it should always be under the supervision of an adult. This allows the parents to supervise what the child is watching and be aware of the child’s interests.
- Parents should try to learn how to enable parental settings in the app the child is using if it’s available.
- Screen time should not replace the rest of the activities required for a child’s healthy growth such as play time, meal time, family time, sleep time….
When it comes to teenagers things become a bit more trickier. A parent will have to work on balancing the line between a teen striving to become an independent person and the proper discipline required to become a capable adult. This is the period when children demand to use social media apps, demand an independent phone and so on… A few rough guidelines that can be followed are:
- Make sure the child understands that using a mobile is a privilege, not a basic right.
- Try to avoid buying an independent phone for them early on, because trust me once children get their own phones you will be surprised at all the ingenious ways a child finds to hide what he/she is doing with the mobile.
The only exception is when practical reasons prevail such as a child has to go to tuition or you, a parent have to coordinate with the child on picking them up between your work etc. In that scenario, I suggest that you get a regular phone, not a smartphone. That is cheaper, sturdier and does its work well if calling is your only priority.
- A teen can start using social media apps, but a parent should have access to their account names and passwords, at least for the early teens.
2) Limit Setting
What this means is that a parent should set ground rules on what is permissible and what isn’t. Without these guiding rules, a child will not have any idea of what is expected of him/her. Some basic themes can be like-
- No use of mobile phones during mealtimes or before going to sleep.
- No exceeding of the time limit allotted for use, unless as a part of a reward.
- Do not use mobile while studying or when the family spending ‘Family Time’ together.
It is not enough that Limits are set but they must be reinforced as well.
3) Discipline and Consistency in Execution
The facts that I have discussed above are only helpful if they are implemented consistently. This includes the behaviour change in the parent and the child as well. Lapses are usual, but consistency helps in slowly bringing about the change. Especially when children have already set in their ways from early on.
4) Commonsense
This is the most important thing. Every parent has an idea of what is best for their child and what works and what doesn’t. So, when implementing changes, it will require certain discretion by parents to implement choices as suitable. Another major area is educating the child on certain major issues such as:
- Not disclosing personal info to unknown people
- What is the proper etiquette regarding internet use
- To let parents know if there are problems such as cyberbullying
The points mentioned above should help most parents in starting out. I also realize that sometimes things may not sort out easily, there are circumstances when professional help is required and I would advise parents not to hesitate when they feel it is necessary.
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